“Sometimes you need a film just like you can have a need for some music. Sometimes you can even reflect on the past through that movie. Synecdoche, New York (2008) by Charlie Kaufman is one of those films. It was the first film that he directed after writing scripts such as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004). It’s about a theater director who struggles with his work and the women in his life. He even tries to build a life-size replica of New York as a part of his new play that reflects his life, death itself and his ambitions. Just like the main character Caden Cotard I’ve also contemplated many big questions about life. I grew up with a religious christian mother and with the idea that there is a heaven. As a kid you believe everything, but when you grow up you become more skeptical. Around my 18th I obsessively began to wonder about death and I asked myself what is the use of everything when everything is temporary? Especially if you are in the creative sector. Why do I invest so much time and energy in it? Still, the main character works hard to artistically express himself, but when his play premieres the woman that he loves so much blatantly tells him that she doesn’t like it. “As long as you like it,“ she says to him. It’s very painful, even more when it’s slightly familiar to yourself. Although I know my parents are always proud of me and supported me in my decisions, they sometimes don’t fully understand or appreciate my commitments and achievements in film. My father is someone who doesn’t believe in art and would have rather wanted me to succeed with business and financial jobs or as a professional soccer player. Something which is more steady and financially profitable. These are things that kept him busy during his life as a young adult. It’s a hard and confrontational truth when the people you love cannot really connect with your artistic expressions.”
Photo and story by Feargal Agard.